I'm beginning to wonder who wrote all of these websites.
You know the ones.
There are thousands.
The ones that promise to tell you what your baby is experiencing and what your body and emotions are going through during each week of pregnancy. The same ones that tell me my baby is the size of a fruit all the time. Who wrote those?
In the beginning I believed it had to be the opposite gender. It just didn't add up. Then I thought it was those adorable pregnant women who don't gain an ounce and talk about feeling marvelous all the time and how they just love being pregnant. Now I'm convinced they came from another era. An era where you didn't air your dirty laundry for the neighbors to see and you didn't talk about real things. I would say my great grandmother wrote it, but she was a pistol and didn't mind telling all the family dirt when she had the chance. The articles start off innocent enough, I just realize now they need a translator...
'You might be feeling a little emotional this week' really means 'You're going to wish you were dead at some points this week and want to hug the world at others while bursting into sob-like tears complete with moaning...nothing will trigger these reactions, they just will randomly pop up to annoy you at inconvenient times.'
Ok, I can handle that realistic translation.
They start you off with 'small' things like that and try to down-play them with catch phrases like 'just a little' or 'this small phase' or 'slightly'...you just have to trust those really mean 'all the freakin' time', 'for the duration of your pregnancy' and 'completely'. However, after they speak of the unpleasant things, they throw you a bone to try to get you excited again. This is the part that really annoys me as it seems to be all over the map and completely untrue.
Things like 'You probably won't gain any weight this week' or 'Your hair will be beautiful and full as you won't be shedding it as often' or 'You'll have bursts of energy this week!' and 'Your sex drive will be out of this world.'
These are what I've deemed the 'Grannie Terms.' (ok, so maybe grandma's don't talk about sex-drives...) Grannie terms are falsities that they want you to believe because they really want them for you and really want you to be happy, so they give you these charms of hope. Things they wish they were told when they were pregnant. Things they only remember now as they have forgotten the reality of 60 years ago. To me, the new translations go a bit like this:
Week 17 Grannie Term attached to the end of a down-played truth: "You'll find you may be a bit emotional again this week...but don't worry about a bad hair day as it has stopped shedding now and will become shiny and full due to all those hormones."
Week 17 Reality of the truth with the translation of the grannie term: "You'll be completely off your rocker this week, tears, laughter and exorcism threats will take place every 5 minutes on rotation...and when you look into the sky, you'll see unicorns and dragons leaping for joy over your pregnancy."
Week 18 - "You might be visited again by a couple of adolescent pimples...but that won't stop you from dragging your husband off to bed every time you see him."
Week 18 - "Your face, and entire body will look like it was attacked by bugs and other random aliens just to help with that emotion from last week...but the nightmares, back aches and lack of sleep will bring world peace forever complete with cotton candy for all the starving children."
Week 19 - "Every woman carries differently so you might be starting to feel a bit uncomfortable in your regular clothes now, not to fret, you'll feel the baby moving around now so it will always bring a smile to your face."
Week 19 - "You've been frantically gaining weight since day 1 and have worn your belly-belt since your first month. This won't help the fact that every other part of you is also gaining weight, not just your stomach. Have fun with all of that. Oh, and you haven't felt the baby yet so you're freaking out and looking all over the internet to calm your fears only to find 10 trillion sites telling you bizarre and mysterious things about what's happening on the inside of you. You're doubting if you're even carrying a human at this point or if the fact that you're huge but can't feel the baby yet just means you're officially a fatty."
Yep, I just write those 'Grannie Terms' off as complete and utter nonsense.
On the brighter side, we did one of those 3D scans last week.
It's required here in Australia, which is sort of interesting seen how it didn't even exist a few years ago. It was quite fascinating listening to a nurse point to tiny spots on a screen that must have been used to shoot the film 'Aliens' and have her explain that this is a kidney or a diaphragm or an appendix. I was hoping she would tell me where my own parts were as I just assume they're all floating around someplace between my neck and legs. She could have been pointing at a magnified pumpkin seed for all I knew. At the end of it all we did receive a DVD of the whole thing to remember for ever and ever...and some photos that again made me question the species of what is growing inside me. I'll only post the ones that resemble a human to calm your fears and my own.