Red, White and a Little Blue

Happy Election Day!

I’m surprised every 4 years by the amount of hate, negative campaigning, libel, and un-shaking opinion that ransack media, especially social media, especially from Christians, especially from my friends. It makes me nauseated and it makes me get on my knees in prayerful thanks that God did not call Ben nor myself into politics. Yuck. That’s a job for some very special people. 

Yes, I voted.

Yes, I voted for Romney. 

Yes, I voted for McCain.

Yes, I voted for Bush, twice. 

Yes, I believe one should vote even if they don't have a clear idea of who they want to vote for, it is our privilege and the reason our relatives have died by thousands over the years in wars...to give us the freedom, and that freedom encompasses voting. 

That does not mean I’m going to go around dis-respecting our president no matter who he/she is. They are going to have a very tough 4 years no matter what, so the least I can do is say congratulations and good luck...all the while being thankful that I’m from the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave and that idea is where we can unite with pride and power when the ‘not if, but when’ scenarios do happen. 

As with every election, I’m brought to the following scripture. It’s pretty clear. 

“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, 

        for there is no authority except that which God has established. 

                The authorities that exist have been established by God. 

Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. 

       For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. 

But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience. This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. 

Give to everyone what you owe them: 

   If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law”

Romans 13:1-8

Needles

Ok.
This is probably the most controversial topic out there in regards to babies, so I really won't write much about it other than my questioning brain, because frankly, I'm exhausted by the subject and really not getting any "good" answers.
What are my options in regards to vaccinating Bina?
I'm not anti-vaccination. I'm not pro-vaccination. I'm just a mother who wants some answers.
Have you ever looked online? There are over 23 million sites that talk about vaccinations. Some are awesome, some are credible, some are decent, some are recommended, some are crap, all are opinion. Yes, even the government sites that give the specific vaccination schedule based on medical science are opinion. What someone thinks is 'best' at the specific time you happen to take your child into the doctor. Don't worry, it will change within months and your next child will receive something different; how's that for consistency? Where does that leave Ben and I? Completely confused and frustrated, feeling like bad parents no matter what we choose.

The New Bully

There seems to be a growing trend among mothers that drives me crazy. I'm not sure if it's something that has always been around, or if it's something that's progressing with all the readily available information we have at our fingertips via technology.
Mums who feel it's their duty to give advice to other mums, essentially bullying mums to do/feel/act the same way they do or make them feel like they are a bad mother.
There are a zillion and twelve ways to parent your child. What does that mean? There are a zillion and twelve opinions on what parenting your child can look like. With the newness of it all, the lack of sleep, the over-exerted hormones and the constant fret that you might be doing something wrong, the very last thing a new mum needs is advice from someone when they haven't asked for it. Granted, when we ask, we really really do want to know what you have to say.
If we don't ask, we don't want your opinion.
My philosophy: you do whatever it takes to keep your baby alive and happy while maintaining your own sanity. That's it. No matter what it looks like or what other people think is the 'right' way, you have to do what works for you. Of these zillion and twelve parenting techniques, there are 2 that seem to be what mums bully other mums the most about...
Attachment/baby-demand parenting, the philosophy that your baby can only communicate through tears/crying, that they are in the 4th trimester and therefore the parent needs to meet every need no matter what in order to bond/care for the child, including feeding whenever the baby wants it and co-sleeping, wearing the baby in a sling all day, not ever letting your baby 'cry-it-out', etc. This form of parenting works great for some mums. Their baby is healthy, they feel a special bond, that's awesome! However, if you've been bullied into attachment parenting and are finding it's just not working, then try something else without feeling bad. If you're finding your baby is snacking and not eating full meals, if your baby is sleeping in your bed (or room) and your intimacy with your husband is suffering, if your baby has colic, or if you're finding neither you nor your baby is getting enough sleep because you're awake at every beck-and-call of your child...then it's ok to try something else.
Maybe you've been bullied into strict scheduling parenting, the 'cry-it-out' method or the 'Von Trapp Family' idea. The philosophy suggests your baby is not developed enough to know what it needs and it's up to the parent to teach the baby. This is done through a strict schedule throughout the day/night in the hopes of teaching your baby when it needs to eat, when it needs to sleep and when it needs to play. This method also works amazingly well for many parents who stick to it, with their infants sleeping through the night at 6 weeks of age or sooner and the calendar is planned over the next 12 months without a hitch. That's great for many mums, but for some, it's just not working. The strict schedule often lends to the mum and baby becoming a hermit in their own homes because they're afraid to venture out and mess up the schedule/routine. They often say 'no' to all sorts of social engagements because of the schedule and their relationships can suffer because a closed-off mum can lead to a depressed mum with a screaming baby in the next room. If this is the case for you, try something else without fear.
Do what works for you and don't let anyone bully you into a parenting method.
Some recent parenting bullying I've seen has been in the media. It's very subtle and usually comes across as media controversy, with the majority of the world forming an opinion about it, but with many mums feeling bullied by the picture, the writing and the opinion.
Why, oh why, did Time magazine publish this cover with the defiant mother having her toddler suck on her bare breast? What does this accomplish? Why was that personal decision a mom chose to breastfeed her toddler something that needed to be thrown in my face and be published on millions of magazines? Why couldn't she keep her choice to herself as something that works great for her? Something she could talk to her close friends/family about if they ask.

Why in the world would anyone post a picture of themselves breastfeeding on Facebook? I about vomited seeing both the Time Magazine cover and the Facebook photo. I choose to breastfeed as well, that doesn't mean I need to shove it down the throats of those who choose not to breastfeed. I don't need to make a statement to the world by whipping out my boob in public and telling everyone I know that it's natural and they should get on board with it. I don't need to tell people that breastfeeding is the right thing to do, because some women try their very best and it doesn't work. Some women choose to use formula and it doesn't hurt their children at all and can actually benefit their children greatly. Why should they feel like bad mothers because other mothers have proactively given their opinions to the world when nobody asked for it. The idea that special 'bonding' happens by only parenting a certain way is scientifically inaccurate. It might make the mum feel special, but the bub will be just as happy, just as loved, just as cared for, just as much a part of a family no matter if the mum chooses to stay at home or go to work; breastfeed or formula feed; demand or be directed, go to daycare or have a nanny; ceasarian or natural birth...the thing that will make a difference is if the mum is completely at her wits' end and frustrated or doing what works best for her and her baby without external influence. Why the outcries around books and philosophies? Why not just educate yourself and parent your own way?
So what has worked for me?
Prayer. Lots and lots of prayer for our daughter who is on loan from God. She's not ours, we're only in charge of raising her in the way she should go so she will love God with all her heart, soul, mind and strength. She will be the beautiful person God created her to be no matter how we choose to parent her. He is in control of her safety, growth, mind, development, etc. We have absolutely nothing to worry about as long as we do our best.
I've read a bunch of articles, magazines, books, websites, etc. about parenting and the number one physical resource that helped both Ben and I in raising Bina was the book:
Baby Wise.
Insert scary music.
I have no idea why it is controversial to some people. Maybe those people haven't taken the time to fully read it? It's actually the least controversial of all the books I've read. It gives a detailed view of the two very common parenting philosophies (mentioned above), and finds a happy middle-ground with lots of flexibility. It says breastfeeding is great, but if you chose to use formula, that's ok too, it's your choice. It gives samples of a schedule to help you with varying ages of your child, but emphazizes the idea that this schedule will change based on circumstance and that's ok. It gave me room to breathe and gave very practical guidelines that we can use to assist our daily life with Bina in order to raise her up to the best of our ability. The result? Bina is feeding great, very happy, sleeps through the night and is a complete joy to be around. Does that mean it will work this way with our next baby? Who knows, I hope so, but don't know if it will. Does that mean it will work with your baby? Maybe, maybe not. I have no idea, but it is what worked for us and if anyone does ask, I will advise them to read it. Is it the only way? Of course not, the book itself says it's just an idea that has worked for many women, myself included, that has room to be tweaked based on your own child.
Overall, I guess being a new mum makes me more sensitive to what I hear, see, listen to coming from other mums. Maybe it's not a big deal, but I've had more than one friend in tears because of the bullying words of another mum, no matter the good intention. Let's be on the same team here.

Please cherish your child in a personal way that works for your family and allow for other mums to do the same.

The Witch Hunt of Today

Drinking. Dancing. Rock-n-Roll. Women wearing pants. Photoshop?
The latest hate-craze seems to be regarding Photoshop.
This, in itself, drives me nuts. "Photoshop" is a design program, a computer software program, one of many put out by Adobe. It is not a verb. It's an incredibly versatile and exciting software that I spend hours of my daily life on, spent thousands of dollars to become educated in and have my future career and passions surrounded by. Adobe Photoshop is what your entire world is made up of, so how can you say you 'hate' anything that's been "Photoshopped?" How can an entire country 'ban' "photoshopped" images? This blog is has tons of "Photoshop" in it. Websites, book covers, advertisements, media, illustrations, drawings, furniture, labels, vehicles, homes, gardens, cities, every single thing in this entire world has some sort of design element to it. Regardless if it is the preliminary drawing or the final product, Adobe Photoshop, or another computer design program, most likely played a key part in it. In Everything!
So, I'm going to cry foul today.
The Photoshop-hating philosophy appears to be one of the major hypocritical arguments out there today. Let's take a quick look...
The first argument is the software is evil because it makes women appear un-naturally beautiful.
Do women wear make-up? Do they wear earrings or jewelry? Do they dye their hair? Paint their nails? Wear high-heels? Go to the gym? Diet? Wear the latest fashion trends? Go to the spa? If you do even one of these things, then I cannot respect your Photoshop-hatred regarding the enhancement of images. Is it not such a double-standard to be offended because a magazine enhanced the cover image of a model, yet that same person refuses to leave the house without make-up on? Isn't this image enhancement? Isn't this a 'lie' as to the true portrayal of what you look like?
The second argument is the software is evil because it lowers self-esteem due to un-achievable looks.
How can one blame a computer design software for the low self-esteem that people face today because they are so incredibly self-absorbed they can't fathom a world where they don't look like a Super Model, real or fake. Are their lawsuits for Mattel because Barbie is un-realistic? What about Disney and their beautiful princesses? Should we be afraid of anything looking different than the 'norm' because it might hurt someone's feelings? Should we all wear the same outfit, have the same skin-colour, be the same gender in hopes of having everyone feel equally special? Who is defining beauty? Why aren't these haters going after the media and hollywood...what about the writers who ask for an actress to be sexy for a role, they wrote the part, why does it have to look a certain way? Why is the anger focused directly on the artist?
Is the artist the one who defined beauty? Or did someone ask the artist to create what they decide beauty is?
The third argument I would like to scoff at is the idea that all images in magazines should be real and not enhanced. That's fine. Let's all do that then. Let us strip our culture of the God-given creativity and imagination of our children in order for everything to appear exactly as it is in reality. No more vibrant colors. No more fantasy. No poems or fiction. No more markers/crayons/paints as those aren't realistic. No more lighting in photo studios in order to bring out shadows and highlights. We should probably only take photos in the day, at the same exact time, as to not have one photo look different than another for fear one photographer might get their feelings hurt if their image doesn't look as good as someone else's. No more art degrees at all, ever, as that invites interpretation of what things are, rather than realistic ideas.
Photoshop is an art tool, a design requirement. Does one fault Van Gogh because his brush-strokes aren't realistic? Do we burn Monet's work because pastel colours aren't always visible in certain light? Do we discredit Ansel Adams because he used filters on his camera? Do we threaten lawsuits on Michelangelo because his realistic paintings of women showed them voluptuous and made the skinny, poor women feel bad about themselves?

Alright, that's my rant for this evening. It's not a mountain I'm willing to battle, it's just something I felt like saying. A need to defend the very passion I have and use daily because of all the nay-sayers out there. I love Photoshop. ;)

Bub~Cooked Halfway!

I'm beginning to wonder who wrote all of these websites. 

You know the ones. 

There are thousands. 

The ones that promise to tell you what your baby is experiencing and what your body and emotions are going through during each week of pregnancy. The same ones that tell me my baby is the size of a fruit all the time. Who wrote those? 

In the beginning I believed it had to be the opposite gender. It just didn't add up. Then I thought it was those adorable pregnant women who don't gain an ounce and talk about feeling marvelous all the time and how they just love being pregnant. Now I'm convinced they came from another era. An era where you didn't air your dirty laundry for the neighbors to see and you didn't talk about real things. I would say my great grandmother wrote it, but she was a pistol and didn't mind telling all the family dirt when she had the chance. The articles start off innocent enough, I just realize now they need a translator...

'You might be feeling a little emotional this week' really means 'You're going to wish you were dead at some points this week and want to hug the world at others while bursting into sob-like tears complete with moaning...nothing will trigger these reactions, they just will randomly pop up to annoy you at inconvenient times.' 

Ok, I can handle that realistic translation. 

They start you off with 'small' things like that and try to down-play them with catch phrases like 'just a little' or 'this small phase' or 'slightly'...you just have to trust those really mean 'all the freakin' time', 'for the duration of your pregnancy' and 'completely'. However, after they speak of the unpleasant things, they throw you a bone to try to get you excited again. This is the part that really annoys me as it seems to be all over the map and completely untrue. 

Things like 'You probably won't gain any weight this week' or 'Your hair will be beautiful and full as you won't be shedding it as often' or 'You'll have bursts of energy this week!' and 'Your sex drive will be out of this world.' 

These are what I've deemed the 'Grannie Terms.' (ok, so maybe grandma's don't talk about sex-drives...) Grannie terms are falsities that they want you to believe because they really want them for you and really want you to be happy, so they give you these charms of hope. Things they wish they were told when they were pregnant. Things they only remember now as they have forgotten the reality of 60 years ago. To me, the new translations go a bit like this:

Week 17 Grannie Term attached to the end of a down-played truth: "You'll find you may be a bit emotional again this week...but don't worry about a bad hair day as it has stopped shedding now and will become shiny and full due to all those hormones."

Week 17 Reality of the truth with the translation of the grannie term: "You'll be completely off your rocker this week, tears, laughter and exorcism threats will take place every 5 minutes on rotation...and when you look into the sky, you'll see unicorns and dragons leaping for joy over your pregnancy." 

Week 18 - "You might be visited again by a couple of adolescent pimples...but that won't stop you from dragging your husband off to bed every time you see him."

Week 18 - "Your face, and entire body will look like it was attacked by bugs and other random aliens just to help with that emotion from last week...but the nightmares, back aches and lack of sleep will bring world peace forever complete with cotton candy for all the starving children."

Week 19 - "Every woman carries differently so you might be starting to feel a bit uncomfortable in your regular clothes now, not to fret, you'll feel the baby moving around now so it will always bring a smile to your face."

Week 19 - "You've been frantically gaining weight since day 1 and have worn your belly-belt since your first month. This won't help the fact that every other part of you is also gaining weight, not just your stomach. Have fun with all of that. Oh, and you haven't felt the baby yet so you're freaking out and looking all over the internet to calm your fears only to find 10 trillion sites telling you bizarre and mysterious things about what's happening on the inside of you. You're doubting if you're even carrying a human at this point or if the fact that you're huge but can't feel the baby yet just means you're officially a fatty."

Yep, I just write those 'Grannie Terms' off as complete and utter nonsense. 

On the brighter side, we did one of those 3D scans last week. 

It's required here in Australia, which is sort of interesting seen how it didn't even exist a few years ago. It was quite fascinating listening to a nurse point to tiny spots on a screen that must have been used to shoot the film 'Aliens' and have her explain that this is a kidney or a diaphragm or an appendix. I was hoping she would tell me where my own parts were as I just assume they're all floating around someplace between my neck and legs. She could have been pointing at a magnified pumpkin seed for all I knew. At the end of it all we did receive a DVD of the whole thing to remember for ever and ever...and some photos that again made me question the species of what is growing inside me. I'll only post the ones that resemble a human to calm your fears and my own.

Feet!

Hand!

The Hero of Today

I understand that there are, and will continue to be, mixed emotions, reviews, opinions and ideas both for and against war. Regardless of all that, there are still soldiers who fight for our freedom on a daily basis. This isn't something that was done once and now we can forever remain in peace and harmony in a beautiful democratic world. This freedom is continually being fought for, and it costs dearly. The very concept of having the freedom to have different opinions is being fought for. Our futures are being fought for. If you stand with our soldiers, I applaud you. If you neglect and protest them, continue exercising the right to do so until it's stripped away from you because our soldiers gave you that right. Either way, please respect what they're doing for you, your families and your world.
I share parts of a note from my brother. In the midst of chaos and hopelessness, he finds strength. Surrounded by hate and vengeance, he finds courage. Knowing he has a beautiful wife and baby girl to come home to, he finds a willingness to keep their world great. In the midst of hell, he finds God.

Our team lives between two tents surrounded by mud walls w/ no roof, and I sleep in a sleeping bag on a cot w/ all of my stuff in the tent shared w/ 8 other guys and Allan, the military working dog.  Most missions are overnight ones and I find myself sleeping outside w/ animals usually in the dirt littered w/ goat/sheep poop.  We have no running water, and until very recently did all of our laundry by hand and showered using the water from an irrigation pump used to water a poppy field we called "Narnia" from the locals about 500m from our site.  (The TB destroyed the pump).  We eat shelf-stable MREs every single day and they are getting real old real fast, but I am at least thankful for food.  We eat afghan food a lot of times as well which mostly consists of rice, sheep/lamb, liver, Okra, and bread that usually is grainy and tastes like the sand is cooked right into it. 

I have a new team sergeant who runs the show here and he is an answer to prayer.  He has been deployed to Afghanistan every calendar year since 2002 (except once) and has multiple purple hearts and a silver star, among many other accolades.  He is tall, quiet, 48 years old, borderline deaf, and prays that God have mercy on our enemies every morning before we take off for a mission because we will not.  After a recent success against the enemy, he had everyone gather up and publicly gave thanks to God for our victory over the Taliban at the end of the night.  He reads his bible every day and wakes up at 3 am and goes to bed early and can walk for miles on end w/out stopping.  I am on his element now when we move out dismounted, which I prefer.  He prefers to defeat the enemy w/ organic weapons (i.e. the rifle in our hands we each carry) and maneuver on the enemy rather than call in for air support, which makes me just another SF soldier w/ a gun here for the most part.  We tracked (no joke) a cumulative of 27 miles (i.e.43k) from our last mission on foot over the course of two days, mostly due to a lot of moving and tracking the enemy on the run.    

 

In case you're wondering if prayer works, I will give today as an example of how I don't think we were just "lucky".  We went out expecting to do a 3-day mission to places never before visited by US or Coalition Forces.  We took contact from the enemy, as expected.  Our medic / sniper took rounds that impacted directly in front of his feet and behind him in an open area from AK-47s and PKM fire.  We took some in our direction and could hear them cracking overhead but we were not the main target of the shooters.  I don't think it was luck that no one has taken any rounds yet.  Last mission a guy had about 4 RPG rounds impact right next to his head.  Paul said "You can be thankful God put that boulder in front of you to shield you from the rockets."  Today we were forced to go back to our site because higher headquarters dictated it because there was a mistake at higher levels about our mission and where we were headed.  Dismayed, our team pressed on home.  Almost home, the lead element discovered some wires protruding from the ground, and had the dog Allan and his handler come and investigate.  After it was all said and done, we discovered 5 IEDs in the field we had just traversed to get to our location, meaning we had walked through a minefield and just happened to dodge the IEDs spaced out only 20 meters apart intended to blow us to pieces if we stepped on a pressure plate.  I don't think it was luck that no one was blown up on the way out there or on the way back.  We blew all 5 in place at once; it was pretty cool to watch I'll show you the video.  Crazy story a couple days ago 3 children from the same household were blown up by an IED set by the TB.  Our guys went out and blew in a place another one parallel to it.  The next day they went out looking for more IEDs, and Allan the dog ate a human ear of a kid it found.  I guess there were pieces of human meat everywhere and the mom was outside going ballistic cursing the Taliban.  This neighborhood is bit more rough than our cookie cutter one back home, to say the least. It is staggering to look back at the order of events the way things transpired and see the fingerprints of God all over our movements and the enemy's as well. 

 

So, as much as we have played IED-bingo the last 4 months both mounted and dismounted and taken rounds aimed directly at us the last week it is absolutely supernatural the protection that has surrounded this team.  I have two months left here and please pray that we continue to do damage to the enemy here and win over the locals and stay safe.  As much as it sucks, I love being out here and I love being deployed and I really have a heart for the local Afghans who are terrorized by a small group of TB thugs who intimidate them so they don't even leave their houses.  We can be thankful we don't have to worry about getting blown up just driving out of our house, or that someone will come w/ a gun and make demands.  The one thing all these villagers want is peace, and that is it.

-Josh

A Little Homesick

There are times when I get a little homesick. Times when I miss the lazy, barefoot days of summers in Michigan, enjoying fireflies, stars and crickets by night and the great lakes, backyard picnics and family fun by day. So when I first saw this article, a bout of home-sickness flooded in. So many memories on the shores of Lake Michigan with family and cousins. This is the place I call home. I hope someday other Michiganders will learn to appreciate the beauty and majestic nature of the grand state they live in and try to stop seeing only mud with their rants and complaints of a bad economy. It's easy to take for granted something you live in, or see everyday. This article helped me remember to stop and smell the roses, even for just a moment, appreciate where I came from and be thankful for the life God has granted me.
Thank you God, for my roots.

My new favorite quote:

"The democracy will cease to exist 

when you take away from

 those who are willing to work 

and give to those who would not."

-Thomas Jefferson

Hello backyard!

Driving to our destination!

I don't like anything about the city. Well, I like that I can walk to work...(but not the smells or strange things I usually step in on my way.)
I don't like the noise, the smells, the lights, the crowds, the traffic, the expense, the busyness, the rudeness...what can I say, I'm a country girl. I miss the stars and the sound of crickets. I haven't seen a lightning bug since I lived in Michigan. I haven't been able to go for a run without stopping for cars, bikes, busses, etc. in months. So just about when I've had enough, we venture out of the city and I'm reminded of all the things I do like about where we live.
Last weekend we had enough, so we went to a little beach that turned out to be a huge blessing and reviving of our nature-loving souls. It was a beautiful place and because it's the middle of 'winter' here, not many people go to the beach. The nights get a bit chilly, but really, 25C sunny days were the best we could hope for when we lived in Alberta, so this is like summer to us. It is whale season right now, where the humpback whales are in migration, so I was hoping to see one. We saw more than one. We watched whales surface, jump, play for hours. We saw one blow right in front of a fishing boat. We watched one go straight into the air and it was taller than the sailboat next to it and probably just gave a heart-attack to everyone on board. I've never seen anything like it. They were too difficult to get photos of, so we just enjoyed watching them from our camp. Thank God for His faithfulness of renewing every morning and letting us start again every day. He reminds me that man-made anything is nothing compared to what He can do with his pinky and that He is always in control.  Anxiety, worries, stress...these are just distractions to make us think something else is in control, but the truth prevails no matter what the outside looks like and we can stand firm on that truth no matter what comes.

The sunrise greeted us.

Ok, so you can't tell, but we watched humpback whales for hours.

Camp fires are a favorite of ours!

Our favorite camping pastime.

Room with a view!

Influencing our World for Good and for God.

We walked in a bit late, tried to avoid eye contact, grabbed the first open seats in the back...zero expectations, just wanting to find a church that believes in God and preaches Jesus as messiah.
(Sounds simple, but you wouldn't believe the trouble we've had with this simple idea in the past. It's a definite negative to moving, finding a new church family, what we consider 'home.')
Directly in front of us were a group of about 7 elderly Asian people, one holding a walker, one just sat with his eyes shut tight. In front of them was a row of punk-looking kids, a skateboard leaning on the chair. Next to them, some families. Up front were two peculiar men leading worship. One had long hair, tight jeans, tattoos and an American accent (Colorado native we found out, yeah!) and completely blew the microphone out of the building, I was astounded by the talent. The other also had tattoos, a wife-beater tank top on revealing a shaggy, hairy chest that matched his shaggy, hairy head crammed in a hat and he was jamming the guitar. Behind them were a plethora of musicians and singers who make the final round of 'American Idol' look like a junior high talent show. As I glanced around, I didn't see two people alike. All aspects of age, race, life...all gathered. This wasn't a show, this was worship at Citipointe Church and I knew we had found our new home as I watched tears streak down the wrinkled cheeks of a very elderly woman who was pouring her heart out next to her husband who was waving his shaky hands in the air and doing his best to dance to the music played by a group who probably weren't even alive when they celebrated their 50th anniversary. This is community, this is what heaven looks like and this is the place we now call home.

What is worship and why is it important?
Worship is a word that is interchangeable with prayer. It's the same word in the hebrew language. Whenever you read that someone went to the temple to pray, it means they went to worship. It looks different in different places, and that's awesome!
(I'm not here, nor will I ever be, dogmatic about any of this.)
But if you take a close look at the Jewish faith, and how Jesus would have worshipped and prayed, you might wonder a bit.  Prayer/worship was done through the lifting of hands, the singing of scripture, the tears of those begging God to remember His promises, the incomprehensible mutterings of having the spirit of man fully connected with the Spirit of God...this was worship and it was always loud. I've heard it said that you will never understand the concept of pure joy until you're in Jerusalem on Sukkot. (don't worry, I'll cover that festival later this year) During festivals, synagogue, or even some weddings, people would dance until they passed out. They would shout and scream and sing the scripture until they could no longer find air in their lungs.
(I want that! Why did we ever think we had to change it to be more 'sophisticated?')
It took place in many ways, but the first century it took place at the 3pm sacrifice. Go through the Bible and count the number of times that God did something great at 3pm. When we are worshipping with all of our hearts, souls, minds, and bodies, God has no choice but to act. Rabbis would pray/worship after they've physically exhausted themselves so that they have nothing left except the utmost need for God and then they could truly pray. (have you ever been side-tracked at church, your mind is wandering far away? Try climbing a mountain and then praying immediately after, before you've had water. Try fasting 40 days first and see what miracles God will do. Try not having all your needs met so that you have no choice but to trust God to hear you.) If you can truly worship without a community or without music or without a church, that's fine. I cannot. I need someone to remind me how Great my God truly is sometimes, how much bigger He is than my itty brain can fathom and that sometimes, I need to get over myself and my pettiness and give glory to the Almighty.

Job-a-lob-a-ding-dong

Art is art.

Some artists paint, some sculpt, some draw, some use a camera, some use a computer. Artists always have been, and will continue to be, 'starving.' I'm not trying to be negative, I'm being realistic. Some make it 'big', that's awesome, but many don't. We're sort of a 'dime-a-dozen' crew and with technology, we're not exactly 'needed' the way we once were. I love graphic design. I went to grad school to learn more and to put myself in the next category, from the millions of designers with undergrad degrees to the thousands of designers with graduate degrees. Anyone can have a great portfolio. Anyone can go to school. Anyone can learn the trade. Not anyone can get a job. It's about networking, being in one place and starting at the very bottom and sticking around long enough to work your way up. For me, it hasn't mattered how 'good' I was or what my work revealed, it was about how long I stayed with the company to move internally to a higher position. I'm not saying it was right or even fair, it just is this way a lot of times. Some people start their own businesses, and then we see these small design firms littering the streets and they're all offering the same services. Some people are blessed and find a great position right away. Some people have a freelance clientele to pay all their bills. The fact that we move all the time with no end in sight has allowed me to finally realize it's ok to stop the madness. I don't need to sell myself anymore and try so very hard to prove I can do a great job before I even am considered for an interview. I don't need to work 40 hours a week on my own time beyond my 40 hour 'day job' to finish projects and do jobs for people that I'll never get paid for. It's ok to just say 'no' and I've come to grips with that. I've been saying 'yes' for over 10 years and it's just not working anymore. I'm not bitter about this, I'm just realizing there are more important things out there for me. So, I'm officially switching careers. I'll be working in document controls for Bechtel beginning May 3rd.

Sometimes things just don't work out the way we thought or dreamed, and that's ok. Sometimes God has other plans for us and even if we don't know why, we can still trust that His plans are better than our own plans.

I'm at peace with it. I don't love the idea. I don't hate the idea. I'm not doing it for the money, although, it is very helpful and way better than anything I could have made as a designer. Only time will tell where it might take me and I'm willing to at least try it. It is what it is for today, and I'm ok with that. I don't believe in forcing doors open, we all are capable of doing that, but I truly want God's best for me, not what I think is my best. If I really believe that, then I must also trust this is His best for me today. I didn't force the doors open, but I did act. We can't sit around waiting for a miracle to drop into our laps, we do have to act still, spin the world in motion on our end, to see where it lands on God's end. I don't know why my venture with Bechtel has been crazy. I don't know why I'm over-qualified for some things, under-qualified for others, completely discriminated against because of my citizenship for some things, gender-placed in others. It's weird, it's foreign, sometimes I feel I've walked onto a set of Mad Men, while other times I bump shoulders with people who would make the NY stock exchange seem out-dated. I've stopped asking myself questions about it because there are no answers for it, I just have to trust God this is where I'm supposed to be today and if I wasn't supposed to be here, doors would have and could have shut ages ago. Maybe it's a path that will lead to something completely different down the road, I'm ok with that too. I would rather freely ride the wave of the Spirit than to drown in my own ambitions.

I don't think it's a bad thing at all that my generation switches careers and companies multiple times in our lives. Why do we need to know our entire life path the second our 18th birthday comes around? It made sense 'back then' when family businesses were around, apprenticeships were common, trades were limited...but it's not 'back then,' it's today and today the world is changing rapidly enough that we can change with it or we can dig our heels in and fight a losing battle. It's not about company loyalty, that's hogwash, it's about putting ourselves in a position to be the best we can be and utilize our time on earth the best way we can.

So, am I just throwing away everything I've learned these past ten years? Of course not. I absolutely love it. I loved school, I love art, I love design...I don't regret it at all. I will continue doing photography and continue doing design, but on my own time, when it's just a great hobby for me, and not a job. I will continue with my DoodleTrain store, textile design and illustrations-but all on my own 'relaxed' time, so it will slow down. I want to bless people with it and so will be doing free jobs for friends/family so I can enjoy it and feel good about it...no more job searching, contracts, deadlines, or stress. If money is involved, I'll just give it away to places we support. I feel really good about this decision and although it all might change tomorrow, this is where it is today.

Ode to Kindred Spirits

I know I've said this a million times before, but this adventurous ever-changing, ever-moving life lacks it's luster when I think of how badly I miss my friends and family back home and how my visits to see them become fewer and further away or even non-existant. I count myself truly blessed for the friends and family I have and not a day goes by when they're not close to my heart and mind. I love, love, love how technology has kept us close, being able to talk to each other face-to-face, see photos/videos, send notes and feel like we haven't missed those important moments that tear at my soul when I think of not being there. A very dear friend of mine recently posted the most beautiful and true words I've read in a while. Read them here. I love her heart. She is the most generous and loving person I've ever met. I girlishly think of Anne (yes, from Anne of Green Gables) and her bosom friend, Diana Barry. She showed up in my life when I was desperate for a friend, any friend, and I believe God brought her to me at just the right moment in His perfect timing. I cherish memories of all my friends from far away, I love making new friends too, but there is nothing like the words from a kindred spirit to make me feel like I'm home again.

Happy Happy Joy Joy...the feast of Purim




Hamentaschen

 

We celebrated the feast of Purim yesterday. Ok, maybe we didn't celebrate it per-se, but we did think about it and talk about it and eat some baked goods and read the book of Esther...so that's our way of at least acknowledging it. I also attempted to bake some traditional Purim snacks for our friends...a bit difficult when I still have no clue what the icons on my oven mean and the Celsius temperatures still bother me...so the extra crispy challah bread and the super bland hamentaschen weren't the best, better luck next year.

Purim is a time of joy and remembrance and honoring God for keeping His promises both then and now. We remeber Esther and Mordecai and the way God used them both to advance His kingdom and to save the Jewish race once again. It's sort of the 'Mardi Gras' of the festivals, complete with costume, song, dance, parade, lots and lots of wine, lots and lots of food, and joyous celebration. With everything going on it the world, it's easy to get caught up in the negative, hopeless attitude that ensnares many. We can become addicted to the news and what's going on each millisecond. We can throw the towel in and repeat phrases we once thought only our grandparents might use like 'this world is going to hell-in-a-handbasket' and all that gibber-jabber. So every now and then, it's nice to drop the dark cloud and do a little dance, thanking God for being in control of our lives, this world and always having a plan, even when things seem hopeless.



Silence can be so very Loud

I had much I wanted to write this week, but it all seemed so minuscule compared to what is going on in the world. Sometimes I just watch the news and wonder if I'm watching a Hollywood movie. But I know I'm not because if Hollywood were to create yet another 'end of the world' movie that included what has occurred in 2011 alone, it would be written off as way too exaggerated and completely improbable science fiction. I do read Joel Rosenberg's Blog, (and highly recommend it) mostly because he has such an accurate/interesting view and details that are hard to find amidst chaos. Even if you're not a Bible-reader/believer, it doesn't change the fact that every single thing that has happened has already been written in black and white text and we're complete idiots to be surprised by any of it. History is also cyclical. Sometimes we learn, sometimes we don't. Either way, I can say 'YES! God's prophesy rings true!' while at the same time weeping for those who are living it. There is a Jewish belief that the Bible is living and active (Jewish? yes, a Christian belief also, yet I have a hard time finding Christian's who truly believe this) and that prophesy continues to ring true over and over again, always revealing God's promise to everyone, from the time of Abraham to today and also for tomorrow.
Let me show this idea to you simply.
There was the early prophesy concerning Satan and Eve:
"And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel."-Genesis 3:15
Is this something that happens once and then is over? Or is this something that can continue to be true over and over again?
We see this literally fulfilled in the story of Jael (Yahweh is God) and Sisera (Snake):
"But Jael, Heber’s wife, picked up a tent peg and a hammer and went quietly to him while he lay fast asleep, exhausted. She drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died." Judges 4:21
We ALSO see it literally fulfilled in the story of David and Goliath:
"As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell face-down on the ground." 1 Samuel 17:48-49
This prophesy continues to be fulfilled to this day, literally and figuratively.

Prophesy does not always mean a singular event, it can also refer to a fulfillment and revelation of who the God of the universe is. Do I believe there is an end to this world as we know it? Of course! Is this is the beginning of the "birth pains" spoken to us regarding the end? I think so. Did people believe these same things during the reign of Hitler? Yes. Did the early Christians believe it was the end when Nero reigned? Yes. Does this mean that everyone has always been wrong or believed in something that wasn't real? Not at all! It's the fulfillment of God's word, over and over again. I believe the messiah has come in Jesus, yet I also believe in His return, it's the same messiah, just a continual fulfillment of prophesy. Perhaps...(I'm not making definitive statements here, I never do, take it all with a grain of salt please)...perhaps the 'return' of Christ is New Testament fulfillment of prophesy for Christians and Old Testament fulfillment of prophesy for Jews. Either way, it's God's word revealing itself in a living and active way in our world today and in history and in our future.

Gotham City

Michigan Bat.

Gotham City has many meanings....

In England, "Gotham"-a homestead where goats are kept.

In Australia,  "Gotham City"-a 6-star brothel in Melbourne.

In America, "Gotham City"-a nickname for NYC

From 1939 forward, the most prominent definition is the fictional historical term, "Gotham City"-the home of Batman. 

No, it's not the crime, the dark nights or the cold. It's not the gangs or corruption, (at least I hope not) or the many business men who look eerily similar to Bruce Wayne. 

It is the Gotham bat signal in the sky. 

Here in Brisbane, it is literal. 

Not a giant spotlight, rather literal bats that litter the sky on a nightly basis. These are not just any old bat. These are megabats. (I'm not making that term up either) Gigantic, megabats with wingspans measuring over three feet! Wikipedia said they run around 4.9 feet, and because we all know that is always a reliable source, let's go with that! Either way, 3-4.9 feet of bat wing earns it's title of 'megabat.' 

um, hello! Is this a freakin' creature from Jurassic Park? 

I'm not afraid of bats, I think they're cute actually. Maybe it's the many memories of the annual 'bat-in-the-cabin' routine with my grandparent's cabin in Ontario. We would all try to get it out. Some of us were brutal, using badminton rackets, convincing us all we would wither and die from rabies if it wasn't destroyed immediately. Some of us were more environmental, trying to lure it out the door with kind words. Some of us were in-between and tried to capture it in a box or bag to let it fly free. It very, very much looked like the Dwight Shrute bat run-in from 'The Office.'  hehe

Watch the clip here.

 It was always fun, lots of screams and laughter and helmets and coats found from the 1600s when the cabin was probably built. So, yes, I think bats are cute.

Is it ok to say maybe 'megabats' don't fall into the 'cute bat' category? Alright, so they're not ugly, they just appear to be fictional characters to me and I don't really know what category to place them in. 

I will admit Australia does seem to be the land of fictional characters anyway, I mean, have you seen a platypus? 

Australian Bat. 

So where do these giant bats that look like dogs or foxes or rodents with wings go during the day? I actually don't have a clue. They eat fruit and nectar, which is not quite so intimidating, although, at that massive size, I was really hoping they would feast on the poisonous giant spiders roaming around that make goose-bumps rise on my neck every time I think of them. (shudder) It's quite another world, driving down the highway at dusk, or even sitting on our balcony, they come swarming. Think 'Ace Ventura' but on a nightly basis. Giant winged creatures come swarming in the night, is that not the strangest thing ever? 

Clip.

Maybe it's not strange at all, maybe it's totally normal, I'm comparing it to itty-bitty bats in Michigan where you might see one or two. So it's all new to me! 

Here is a more realistic video of what we experience nightly. It's taken in Sydney, but it looks identical to Brisbane's 'night life.' 

What they really look like.

Here's my illustration of a 'cute bat' and the real picture of what is swarming my head at night. At least we know we'll always have a superhero not far off if we're in trouble! 

Tragedy, the media and my future.

Tragedies occur daily, it is sad, but is it reason to let the enemy called 'fear' rule our lives for us? 

Some tragedies seem worse than others due to the media coverage or who was involved, but the fact is, no matter where a tragedy happens, someone is affected by the loss of a loved one. It is sad, it is hard, there are no good words of comfort. 

Does this mean we live our lives in a box for fear that someday some sort of tragedy might happen to us? Of course not. Some people might live this way, hiding themselves in their homes, letting fear rule their lives, mistrusting, thinking their is some sort of conspiracy behind every rock...this, in itself, is a tragedy; a meaningless waste of the gift of life. 

So yes, bad things happen. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. I can't explain it, part of a fallen creation, part of God giving us free-will? However I can tell you I believe God is in control and when our time is up, no matter how we leave, we're outta this world and onto the next. 

Recently, there was a tragedy in Israel and an American tourist lost their life. It is sad, it shakes people up, people are grieving. I wish it hadn't happened, but it did. In fact, it happens every single day (American tourists falling victim to some sort of crime in a foreign country), this one just happened to make the news headlines, so it happens to feel more personal, more tragic, than others. Two women were attacked and stabbed, one died tragically, the other has to live the rest of her life with this horror of a memory. There are no words to make this situation better, it sucks. 

They were hiking and were attacked by two Arab men. Ok, so this is where people start to get all fearful and opinionated. Is hiking bad? No. Are Arabs bad? No. Can we still hike and still be friends with Arab people? Of course! Will a tragedy occur when I go hiking? It might, I could get eaten by a bear, shot by a hunter, I could fall over a branch and break my ankle, I could run out of water, I could get west-nile from a mosquito...these things don't stop me from hiking and these things could happen other places other than on a hike. Will tragedy occur when I'm in a Muslim-populated area? It might, I could be a victim of a politically-charged mission, I might wear or say the wrong thing, I might offend, I might be the reason for a hate-crime because of my religion...these things don't stop me from going to, enjoying, and loving Muslim-populated areas and these things could happen anywhere in the world, including the U.S.

So, did I go hiking in Israel with my sister-in-law by ourselves on that very same trail a few months ago? Yes. Did we hitchhike? Yes. Did we nearly run out of water? Yes. Did circumstances cause us to cut our hike shorter than planned? Yes. Did I love every second of it? Yes. Would I do it again, even after the latest tragedies? Of course! 

My life is not ruled by fear. My life is ruled by the Almighty God and I choose to trust He is in control of every situation. 

We went by ourselves and were never hurt. Bless God! We met incredibly amazing people when we hitched, even finding ourselves in the most hospitable of situations I've ever experienced in my life, they fulfilled our every need and asked for nothing in return. Bless God! We did not run out of water. Bless God! We cut it short and spent time making friends and experiencing things we would not have experienced had we been hiking. Bless God! 

If I can bless God for all these great and marvelous ways He's protected me, then why would I shun that very same God by saying I would not do it again, I would not trust Him to take care of me again? I would rather the opposite be true, I would rather take that greater faith He granted by proving His love and His protection and use it to do something even more for His kingdom, wherever that may be, whatever that may look like, no matter the 'danger'.

Tipping, Taxes and Tithing

The money here is a bit hard to get used to. It is different colors, different sizes and the coins are very heavy. It's strange that the 2-dollar coin is as small as our dime, yet the 20¢ coin is larger and heavier than our silver-dollar. Every time I receive one, I want to rip off the silver packaging and eat the chocolate inside. There are no pennies. Hooray? Maybe it's a good idea, but I have no idea how anyone balances anything as prices are not always even. The price at the registrar is rounded, either up or down. If something is $19.52, you don't have to pay the .02¢, however if something is $19.53, you have to pay an extra .02¢...so strange. The bills are all different lengths, that's always fun. When Ben and I first went to an ATM, we pulled out a bright red bill and both said 'who's that guy?' making us realize our ignorance and need of financial education. 

There is also no tipping or taxes.  Wow, what a fairy land this is! Well, that's not exactly true, it's just the tip and the 10% tax (yep, flat 10% tax on everything with a gazillion exceptions) is already added into the price, making things seem extremely more expensive from the beginning. If a dozen eggs are labeled $4.50, that is exactly what you pay the clerk, if an umbrella is labeled $7.99, you pay $8.00, no pennies remember? 

The lack of tipping is a strange concept for me. I feel like I'm stealing as I leave a restaurant, looking over my shoulder and waiting for an angry server to complain. What if someone is truly great? What if someone is awful? How do I let them know that? I like tipping. Of course they get paid exceptionally well, so I don't have to have a moral dilemma over it, I just feel like a bad person when I walk away. 

Tithing is not a new concept for us, it's part of who we are. What is new, is that tithing to a church is not 'charitable donation' here, so there are no special receipts or tax brackets for us anymore. In fact, not even all charities are tax-deductible. Not that this matters to us, we won't stop tithing or donating to places we support, it's just a strange concept for a government to tell you where you should donate your money. 

I know we'll get used to it. I remember laughing out loud when we first moved to Alberta and I saw there were cartoon children playing hockey on the back of a blue $5 bill. Or thinking someone was trying to pull a fast one when they said the coins were called 'loonies' and 'toonies'. I know people hate going to the US where everything is tinted green and all looks the same. Money is a strange thing. Maybe someday we'll go back to trading goods and services instead of paper and electronic numbers floating in the air. Hmmm, I guess it works for now. 

Behind Enemy Lines?

Palestine. West Bank. Arab. We are conditioned to wince at these words. Have you ever asked yourself why?

What is Palestine? It’s not a country, it’s not an ethnicity, its borders are vague, and through the heavy weight of oppression, kids still play in the streets and friendly smiles greet you on every corner. Palestine is an idea. It’s Land. Dirt. Dust. Justice. It’s a birthright. The problem is, the birthright belongs to two sons. For all of human history, stemming prior to Babylon, this conflict has remained unresolved. The Palestinian Liberation Organization, or the PLO, runs the quest for the justice of this idea for one side. I’m not here to say what is right or what is wrong. I’m here to have an experience, to have a healthy view of both sides. I don’t know who has the right to the land or what the extent of the conflict is as the opinions vary based on who you’re talking to. What I do know is what I experienced. And what I do know is the wall is towering and frightening and as an American, I cannot comprehend what it would mean to me to have someone tell me what I can and cannot do or where I can or cannot go or that a wall and fence will now be placed directly where my house was and there is nothing I can do about it. My heart cries for Israel, but my compassion also lies in Palestine. What would I feel if someone told me I had to leave my home, my land and never look back, but only look forward to a life of poverty? Maybe somewhere along the lines, some great ancestor did own it before I had, but for hundreds of years, my family was building a life there. How does that look? Where is the justice for either side? Do the First Nations have a right to forcefully and violently remove you from your land without compensation because they owned it before Europeans came? Maybe they do. I don’t know. Maybe the land does belong to Israel, but what do you do with all the people living there? It eerily is reminiscent to WW2 Germany, Rwanda, Darfur, and how sometimes people are brainwashed to believe the only solution is to remove the people in the way. I don’t believe this is a solution for either side. Blood has been shed and it has not worked. The land itself is crying out for justice of those fallen, as the dust settles on top of dust, void of the greenness just beyond it’s wall.

We went to the West Bank with Anis and Allie. This term contains such strong emotion from so many, again the fault of the misleading media. It’s hard to express the extent of my gratitude towards Anis for sharing the experience with us. As we walked the streets, there was a calm beauty to the streets. We ventured to Bethlehem to see the church of the Nativity, and also ventured through many other Arab villages. We ate at the most amazing restaurant of all time, again enjoying an insane amount of Arab food and great hookah, while watching the sun set over the village. There is a local singer who usually sings at the restaurant, and we were privileged to see his audition on the television for their own version of American Idol. Everyone cheered. After a few hours of great conversation, we went to the wall. Here you begin to see the pain of the people. The wall is there to keep people out from the outside and keep people in from the inside. It’s huge. The graffiti is mostly in English, so we can see and read and understand. One graffiti-artist’s trademark is to draw a boy facing away. He said he would only show the boy’s face when Palestine is free. There are quotes from Obama and MLK Jr. as well as Nelson Mandela. This, just from the one corner we went up to. Again, I don’t have the answer. I just see a great injustice there that breaks my heart. There are good people on the inside and there are good people on the outside. Where is their voice? Why can they not be heard? I don’t see how there will ever be a solution, and if you’re a believer in the Bible, you’ll understand why there never will be.